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Can you find Peace this Christmas time?

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Can you find peace this Christmas time when all around you seems to be in turmoil? People are feeling stressed, financial worries are rampant and the world no longer seems to be such a safe place. How then can you find peace amongst all this chaos?

As we inch closer to Christmas, our busy lives seem to have moved up another notch. What was already a busy existence now seems to be one running on steroids. Deadlines are getting closer, work needs to be finished before the holidays, the roads are in gridlock and already busy stores are now full to capacity.

We seem to have so much on our ‘to do’ lists that it’s very easy to arrive on Christmas Day feeling burnt out and exhausted. But this doesn’t need to be the case. I believe that it is possible to put some ease into your life, to find some peace, even on the busiest of days.

Have a look at your life and make a decision on what is essential and what can really wait until January. Not everything needs to be completed now. Keep things simple. If you have presents to buy, look online or locally. Avoiding the busy shopping centres. So much can be bought in your local neighbourhood or online, so it’s delivered to your front door. Also don’t accept every single social engagement. Your family and friends won’t disappear on the first of January. You can still catch up in the New Year.

You don’t need to buy extravagant presents. Christmas has become very commercial however, its’ essence is not about gifts but about connection. Being with family and friends, the ones who mean the most to you, are all that really matters. Sharing food, laughter and love are what makes Christmas truly special.

Take time out each day to find some quiet moments. Even if it’s just sitting in the garden with a cup of tea or going for a short walk in nature, find some time to switch off and relax.

Can you find peace this Christmas time? Start by avoiding the news. Yes it’s important to be aware of what’s going on in the world, but we can check the headlines on our phones. We don’t need to be constantly reminded of war and fighting and hate, or see visual examples of this. Constant exposure only brings up fear, anxiety and worry. We don’t need that in our lives.

Don’t try and make everything perfect. As a perfectionist in the past, I used to make sure that I had the best ornaments and the biggest tree. The house needed to be decorated beautifully and the table set with matching everything. Now I don’t worry so much. I am grateful for the family that I have to celebrate Christmas with and I treasure these moments together. Yes it’s lovely to give and receive gifts, but don’t get too anxious about what to buy everyone. A small token of your love is enough.

Ultimately remember what Christmas is all about. To me, it’s about family. Sharing time with those we love, family or friends. It’s about finding peace in our lives, even with those we don’t necessarily agree with. It’s about taking time our from our busy lives, from judgment or criticism of others to finding common ground.

Though Christmas can be a lonely time for so many, it can also be a time of reflection, to think about the past year and what lessons can be learned from it.

Can you find peace this Christmas time? I truly hope so, for I believe that peace resides within all of us. We only need to look within our heart and find the love, compassion and kindness that exists there then send this out to all the world.

Wishing you all a peaceful and very Happy Christmas,

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxxx

Ps. If looking for a Christmas present, my book, “True Essence: Finding your authentic self without compromise,” is available. 

You can buy a signed copy here
Or on Amazon here.

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

References: Image by Amy from Pixabay

Did you know that you have a ‘wonder’ Hormone?

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Did you know that you have a ‘wonder’ hormone? It’s called Serotonin and I call it a wonder hormone because it has so many amazing and wonderful functions.

Serotonin is a chemical messenger that is produced by nerve cells in the brain and the intestines. It is a neurotransmitter that sends messages between cells. It is known as the happy hormone because it affects our mood and emotions.

As well as affecting our central nervous system, it influences our appetite and digestion. It also helps regulate our sleep-wake cycles, affects bone metabolism, cardiovascular and eye health, blood clotting, wound healing, memory, sexual desire and neurological disorders. Serotonin plays a vital role in most major organ systems, including the cardiovascular, pulmonary, gastrointestinal, and central nervous systems.

Ninety percent of serotonin is produced in our gut and recent research shows that it is connected to the production of the gut microbiome. A decrease in the gut microbiome has also been linked to the incidence of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Our gut microbiome consists of the millions of bacteria, fungi, parasites, and viruses, that in a healthy person, coexist peacefully. Our gut microbiome is involved in our overall health, in particular, our immune system.

As Serotonin regulates our mood, it’s often called our body’s natural “feel good” chemical. When serotonin is at normal levels, we feel more focused, emotionally stable, happier and calmer. So if Serotonin is indeed this wonder hormone, what can we do to increase it naturally?

Spending time outdoors with exposure to sunlight has shown to be beneficial for serotonin levels. Regular exercise also boosts production of Serotonin leading to a better mood and overall well being. A healthy balanced diet and regular sleep as well as meditation and Reflexology, have also been shown to help.

Did you know that you have a ‘wonder’ hormone? You certainly do. That’s why it’s so important to lead a healthy lifestyle. Diet, exercise, meditation and measures to reduce stress, such as Reflexology and massage, all affect our Serotonin level. So why not make some changes now and incorporate some healthy habits into your lifestyle. Your ‘wonder’ hormone will thank you for it.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

References: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5074899/; https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-022-05756-0#:~:text=Research%20shows%20that%20more%20than,can%20produce%20norepinephrine47%2C48. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/232248#boosting-serotonin; https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22572-serotonin# Photo by Hudson Hintze on Unsplash. 

Your Body is Always giving you Signs. Do you Listen?

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Your body is always giving you signs. Do you listen? Our bodies are really amazing. They are always supporting us and letting us know if something needs attention or isn’t quite right. The problem is, we usually ignore the signs.

How many of us have a cold or sore throat and ignore the symptoms. ‘It’s just a sniffle’, we tell ourselves. ‘It will go away.’ We push through hoping for the best, until that cold or sore throat goes on to our chest and we start to cough and feel a lot worse. Now we have a more serious condition to deal with. If we had listened to our body and rested when we needed to, we would probably have avoided a longer lasting illness.

Most doctors compartmentalise our symptoms. We have a problem with our digestive system, or our lungs or maybe our heart. They rarely look at the body as a whole. Yet no single part of our body functions independently. Every single action within our body impacts on another part. Our body is giving us signs that usually indicate that there is something else going on. Maybe we just aren’t paying attention to them.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the physical is tied in with the emotional. Each meridian or energy pathway is connected to an emotion. In Facial Reflexology, I look at the meridian most out of balance in the body, for this is where the original disease process began, and then begin to explore the underlying emotions.

Our lungs are where we hold grief and indicate how easily we ‘breathe’ through life. With their partner meridian, the large intestine, they also represent control. Whether we feel we have to control everything in our life or feel we have no control, or are controlled by others. Are we always striving for perfectionism?

Our Stomach and Spleen meridians hold stress and our immune response. Medical research has shown that 80-90% of all illness and disease is related to stress. So if you are always getting colds and flus, perhaps you need to address the stress in your life. How is it impacting you? Our Kidneys and Bladder are said to hold fear. Are we always fearful of what may or may not happen? Can we let go of that fear? Why do we not feel safe?

The signs our bodies give us are not there to judge us or assign blame. We hold on to emotions and behaviours from our childhoods and life experiences. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s how we navigate life to get through and survive. However it’s important to remember that we do have choices and if a particular sign becomes more persistent, perhaps it’s time that we paid attention to it.

Your body is always giving you signs. Do you listen? Perhaps next time a health issue presents, do some journalling and explore what may lie behind it. Are you not giving yourself the time and space you need in your life? Is your life centred wholly around work? Are you including some fun and play? Are you trying to control the actions of your family members? You may not agree with their life choices but if they are adults, it’s really their own choice.

If you have a dispute with someone, instead of being confrontational, can you gently express how their actions make you feel? Bottling up our emotions only suppresses them for a period of time. They will eventually surface and very often they do, as a disease process.

So listen to the signs your body is giving you. It is always there to support you and show you that something may need attention. Discuss your fears and emotions and get help if you need to. There is no shame in it.

We are all amazing human beings with all our gifts, talents and imperfections. Our bodies are part of that amazingness and wonder and they have a unique way of showing us if they need just a little bit more loving. Don’t ignore their gentle hints.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

References: Facial Reflexology by Lone Sorensen.

https://nasdonline.org/1445/d001245/stress-management-for-the-health-of it.html#:~:text=You%20can%20become%20negatively%20influenced,and%20disease%20is%20stress%2Drelated.

Can You Find the Beauty within?

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Can you find the beauty within or do you need to look externally? Can you find beauty within yourself if you decided to have a look?

If we are asked to describe something beautiful, we may mention a sunset or the perfect rose, or a child’s laughter or a piece of art. We think of all the beautiful things that we have seen in our lives and describe those.

But have you ever stopped to think of the beauty that lies within yourself? I know myself, that this would not come to front of mind. But within all of us exists so much beauty and wonder that we ultimately take for granted. As human beings we are really quite incredible. We can think and make complex decisions. We can talk and form sentences. We can feel emotions, laugh and cry. And we can do a myriad of tasks, often at the same time.

We are really a thing of beauty yet we rarely acknowledge this. We tend to define beauty by what society says is beautiful. Every day social media promotes some beautiful person who we can aspire to be, if we buy a certain face cream, or lose weight, or dress as she/he does. Advertising thrives on this. We obviously are not enough as we are, so we need to buy a particular product or lifestyle to improve ourselves.

How wrong is this? We are already more than enough. We are unique and perfect, each in our own way. Yet we don’t really believe this. We think we need to do more or be more, to fit in and be accepted. If we study more, do more courses, act a certain way, we will be accepted. We doubt ourselves and our own gifts and talents. We compare ourselves to others and feel that we fall short.

Can you find the beauty within or do you always need external validation? I, too have often looked outside of myself. I grew up studying hard and aiming to always achieve better grades so that I would receive praise. The beauty that I saw within myself required validation from my parents. It took many years for me to realise that I was enough as I was. I could see my own beauty without the need for confirmation. I could see my inner and outer beauty through my own eyes.

How do you start to find this beauty? It begins by loving and accepting yourself. When you begin to see yourself as you are, with all your gifts, talents and flaws and learn to accept yourself without looking for perfectionism, you can start to see just how wondrous you really are. Be gentle with yourself and look at your self care practices. Eat well and get some regular exercise. Have a reflexology treatment or whatever helps you to balance and relax. Have some regular time out just for you.

Practice gratitude. It’s so easy to focus on what we don’t have, on all the things that are missing in our lives. But if we stopped to think, we actually have so much to be grateful for. We generally have a roof over our heads, food to eat, fresh water that comes out of a tap, heating or cooling. We also are able to use our limbs and our brains. We are capable of emotions and acts of kindness. Our bodies are truly incredible. Practising gratitude helps us to realise that we have so much beauty and wonder in our lives.

Can you find the beauty within. If not, next time you look in the mirror, look deep into your eyes and give yourself a huge smile. You are really amazing. No one else has that beautiful grin or those shining eyes or that glistening hair. Every single part of you is wonderful and it’s only when we stop and really see it that we can find the real beauty that lies within every one of us.

I hope that you can find this too.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

If you would like to learn more about loving and accepting yourself, my new book, “True Essence: Finding your authentic self without compromise,” explores these themes. You can find it here.

References: Photo by Sarah Wolfe on Unsplash.

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

How can we be more Gentle with Ourselves?

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How can we be more gentle with ourselves and why is this even necessary? We all know what it means to be gentle. It means we show caring and compassion to another. We show tenderness and kindness. We do this without thinking to a baby or child, or to a beloved pet. We stroke them or pat them and speak in soft words.

But when it comes to ourselves, we are not always so forgiving or kind.

We look in the mirror each morning and criticise our appearance. “I’m looking tired. Oh no, I’ve put on more weight. Look at those bags. That dress looks awful on me.” We are so quick to judge ourselves. Then when it comes to our work or relationships, we are even harsher.

“I need to work harder. I just can’t attract the right guy. I will be judged if I speak out. I’m not good enough.” We then tell ourselves that we need to study more or be more outgoing or wittier or more attractive. We are rarely aware of how we are berating ourselves.

How can we be more gentle with ourselves? Awareness is the first step. Awareness of our thoughts and the frequent criticisms we often place on ourselves. Looking at ourselves with love and kindness instead of judgment. I still use Louise Hay’s mantra every morning. I do some stretches as I stand in front of my bathroom mirror and tell myself, ‘I love you and I accept you.’ A friend also said that she gently strokes her face and I have now added this to my morning routine.

Start praising your achievements no matter how small. Our accomplishments are meant to be celebrated. Don’t hold out for the big things, the new job, the pay rise, the new diploma or degree. Yes these are fantastic, but life is made up of so many smaller gains.

What if you wrote that first newsletter and pressed send, or walked twenty minutes further than you had ever done before? What if you were able to say ‘sorry’ first in an argument? What if you made a special meal for yourself, for no special reason? What if you bought yourself some flowers, just because you could? What if you just managed to get out of bed each day?

We are all human with different frailties. We all have different challenges in our lives. Yet each day we achieve something, no matter how small and when we do this, we should praise ourselves. Being gentle means to be tender and kind and this is something we can all do. We are so quick to look at the negative, especially when it concerns ourselves. But what if we looked at the positives instead? What if we said ‘no’ to our inner critic.

How can we be more gentle with ourselves? We can do this not just by our thoughts, but by our actions. We can learn to slow down and not try and do everything at once. We can say ‘no’ to perfectionism. It is after all, quite exhausting. We can learn to say ‘yes’ to the things we love in life, the people and activities that bring us joy. We can prioritise and choose the important things in our lives. We can stop feeling guilty about pleasing everyone.

Being gentle means to love and value yourself, in your actions and your words. It’s a necessary part of our lives because it means we care about ourselves and the choices we make. It means we are treating ourselves as a dear and loving friend. It means we are living a purposeful life where we matter. So take the time to look at how you are being gentle in your life, especially towards yourself.

Praise yourself and recognise just how fantastic you really are. Keep being kind to your beloved pets, but share some of that gentleness and kindness with yourself.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

My book , “True Essence: Finding your authentic self without compromise,” is now available here. It looks at the roles we take on in our lives due to our upbringing and society’s expectations of us and how we can learn to step out of these roles, if we want to find our true selves. This means being gentle and kind to yourself.

References: “You can Heal your Life” by Louise Hay. Photo by Reign Abarintos on Unsplash

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

How do you Step out of your Comfort Zone when it all feels too scary?

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How do you Step out of your Comfort Zone when it all feels too scary? When the very thought of change terrifies you and the unknown is too unpredictable? How do you make changes to your life when it all feels too hard?

We are mostly creatures of comfort and like our lives to feel safe and predictable. We like the ‘known’ and we like the certainty that it brings. Many of us stay in the same jobs, the same homes, the same locations and the same relationships, because it is all we know. We feel safe and we feel assured of what each day will bring. We tend to like more of the ‘same.’

But what if we start to feel that our lives are limited? What if we suddenly realised one day, that there was more to life? What if we decided that comfort isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, that adventure and possibility lie over the horizon? What do we do then?

We take steps to bring about change! Most of us have heard of a bucket list, of places that we want to visit during our lifetime. But what if we had a ‘dreams list’ as well? On this list you could write down all the things that you would like to do one day. Then start looking at what is possible and where you can start.

Maybe you want to learn to dance or begin a new language? There are many courses around. Community centres and the Council of Adult Education often have short courses so you can try them out, before committing to something more long term. Have you always wanted to write a book, but don’t know where to start? The Australian Writers’ Centre has courses to get your imagination flowing.

Whatever you choose to do, there are ways to achieve your dreams. Perhaps you could start planning for that solo trip that has always interested you or start increasing your fitness for that mountain trail you want to conquer. The possibilities are endless.

How do you step out of your Comfort Zone when it all feels too scary? Stop listening to that mindless chatter. Our minds are very good at convincing ourselves that our dreams are just that – dreams – and they will never achieve fruition. We convince ourselves that we are too old, or too unfit, or don’t have the experience or the knowledge to do something new. ‘It will never work out. It will be a waste of time and energy and I will fail. I should just be happy with what I have.’ The stories are endless.

But what if your new venture was a resounding success? What if you discovered a new soul mate or a new career or a new passion? Wouldn’t it have been worth it? I have mentioned before that I have written a book and it will be released in late March. I have loved the writing process, but have no idea how it will be received. Hopefully some people will love it and perhaps some will hate it, but that’s okay. I wrote it for myself because it was a passion of mine. I wrote it because it was one of my dreams.

Have I opened myself up to judgment and criticism? Yes possibly and that does scare me. But I want my life to be meaningful and that means taking risks. Staying safe and hidden means staying the same and depriving yourself of life and all its’ opportunities.

By taking risks and stepping out of our comfort zones, we learn to grow. I left nursing to study Reflexology. It was a huge gamble to leave a steady job and begin my own business, but I was unhappy and needed to find fulfilment somewhere else. I have travelled to a lot of different countries, never quite knowing what I would find, but it has always been worth the effort. I began garden photography to sell to magazines, which was at times a scary experience. Chatting to knowledgeable editors was definitely out of my comfort zone.

Not every task I have undertaken has been a resounding success but that doesn’t stop me from trying something new. Making mistakes means I learn and a part of me grows. How do you step out of your comfort zone when it all feels too scary? You start to plan and then start to take action. Believe in yourself for you are capable of amazing things. We just don’t credit ourselves enough for all our accomplishments.

Begin to live a life of your choosing, not someone else’s. So many of us are brought up to put everyone else first. We listen to their needs instead of our own and we put our own desires on hold. “Others need me now, others are more important, others need to take priority,” we tell ourselves.

Well guess what? We need to put ourselves at the top of our ‘to-do’ lists. It’s only when we feel happy, healthy and fulfilled, that we can give to others from a place of love and kindness, not obligation. So start listening to your heart’s desires. Allow yourself to feel vulnerable and expect some resistance from yourself and others. That’s okay. Your ego is protecting you from it’s own insecurities and your family and friends are just expressing their own fears and anxieties.

Take that risk, dream your dreams and take action on them. Then start living this one amazing, glorious life!

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

References: Photo by Nathan McBride on Unsplash

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

How do you greet the coming Year?

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How do you greet the coming Year? Do you welcome it with joy and excitement, or fear and anxiety, or perhaps a little trepidation? Maybe it’s just another date in the calendar and doesn’t hold much meaning for you, or feels like just more of the same?

I greet each New Year with Hope and anticipation. I have no idea how the year will unfold, but I have plans that I want to instigate and dreams around things that I want to achieve. I also have hope that it will be a good year. A year filled with health and happiness, time with family and friends and time with my Reflexology clients.

Over the past two years, I have written a book which I am self-publishing. It will be available late March and it’s one of the dreams that I want to make into reality. Creativity is a passion of mine that I have only recently rekindled. So this year I hope to make it a huge part of my life.

I have not made New Year resolutions for some time now as they always felt a bit forced and hollow and made just for the sake of it. I now choose a word each year on how I would like my year to unfold. I must admit, it doesn’t always work, but it provides a guiding light for my plans and ambitions.

This year I chose the word, ‘Release’ because there’s a lot of things I want to let go of. Release of fear and anxiety about the unknown, release of others expectations, release of feelings of ‘not doing enough’ or ‘not being enough,’ release of doing things because I ‘should’ and release of things that I cannot control. I want to allow more acceptance into my life, of events and people who bring me joy.

How do you greet the coming year? Do you keep doing what you have always been doing or do you want to make changes? If you are happy and contented, that’s great, but if not, what can you do differently? I believe we all have opportunities for growth. None of us are infallible. We are humans with all the wonder and frailties that come with being human. We create and we make mistakes and that’s how we grow.

What can you do differently this year? What do you dream about and want to achieve? Write down your plans as this makes them seem more real. Then take action. Having lovely lists is a start, but we need to take action on them if we want to achieve our goals and dreams. Perhaps you want to learn a language, or join a gym, or start dancing or painting. Perhaps you want to write a book or start a new career. The possibilities are endless.

Do your research then book into a class or make that phone call. Nothing is set in stone, so if it doesn’t work out, you can always leave. Be open to the potential of finding something that fuels your Soul. Yes change can be scary and most of us don’t like to leave our comfort zones, however as Garrett Gravensen wrote, “Life happens outside your comfort zone.”

How do you greet the coming year? I hope it’s with plans and dreams around bringing more happiness, great health and contentment into your life. Remember unless you believe in reincarnation, we only have one life, so make it an exciting, glorious, creative and fulfilling one.

Wishing you a very Happy New Year.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

References: “10 seconds of insane courage” by Garrett Gravensen.

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

Christmas time is here again.

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Christmas time is here again and another year is nearly over. I really hope it has been a happy and healthy one for you. Christmas is a time of happiness, joy and excitement for many, an occasion for families to come together and an opportunity to rekindle traditions.

As I come from a European background (my parents were Hungarian), our biggest celebration was on Christmas Eve. Christmas actually started for my family with the feast of St Nicholas on the 6th December. My sisters and I would put our shoes outside our bedroom door at night time, to find them filled with fruit, nuts and occasionally sweets, the next morning. St Nicholas was said to have been a very generous man with a love for children.

It was the start of a very exciting month which culminated in the delivery of our Christmas tree by the angels. Our sitting room was locked and the blinds and curtains drawn in preparation for the big day. My sisters and I would look for clues in the garden, searching for pine needles that would show that the angels had been. We would excitedly follow their trail from the front gate, along the garden path, up to the verandah and the french windows that opened onto the sitting room. The tree had arrived and Christmas was nearly here.

Although I didn’t keep up this tradition for my own son, he did grow up believing in Father Christmas and would take ages to get to sleep on Christmas Eve, too excited to close his eyes. Hence my husband and I would set our alarms for the middle of the night so that we could sneak in with a stocking full of presents. We would place these on his bed to surprise him in the morning. The rustle of wrapping paper would greet us the next day and we would go into his bedroom delighting in his joy and excitement. Very special memories.

Christmas to me is a time of giving. A time to include others and share what you have. Very often we have an extra person or two who would otherwise be on their own, to share our Christmas lunch with. Their presence only contributes to the celebrations and enriches our Christmas meal. Although a happy occasion for many, Christmas can also be a sad and lonely time. Not everyone has a family to be with or the love of those close to them. This time of year can also bring up memories of happier times spent with those who are no longer with us.

For Christians, it signifies the birth of Jesus Christ and the love and teachings he brought to the world. It’s also an occasion of ‘togetherness’, a time to think of others and not of ourselves and of showing kindness to those around us.

Christmas time is nearly here and it’s a great opportunity to be grateful and reflect on the past year. It’s easy to get caught up in the shopping frenzy and commercialism, but to me, Christmas is much more than that. Yes it’s lovely receiving gifts but gratitude goes much further. The past few years have been such a mixed bag of worry, fear and anxiety, but they have allowed many of us to re-evaluate our lives and how we live them.

I’m grateful to have rekindled my creativity and passion for writing. Others have found a better work/life balance. Some have moved homes to somewhere less busy and crowded. Silver linings can be found in many difficult situations.

This Christmas, enjoy your time with those you love, give gratitude for what you have and seek out opportunities to live a life you are truly passionate about.

Thank you all for reading these newsletters and sending much gratitude to my lovely clients, who entrust me with their care.

Wishing you all a very Happy Christmas and a wonderful, healthy and enriching New Year.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

How do you deal with Tension? Do you Fight it or Flee?

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How do you deal with Tension? Do you fight it or flee and avoid it at all costs? Tension is a part of our lives. We can’t avoid it, no matter how much we might want to. Tension can occur between partners, work colleagues, friends and clients. You may disagree on a decision or an article in the news or on a financial matter. It may be a minor thing that can trigger us, or something more significant, but how we react makes all the difference.

Tension involves emotional or mental stress and can never be undermined. We all experience it in separate ways and we all react to it differently. I’m not talking about severe stress or tension from a life changing event or illness, for that is different. I certainly don’t want to trivialise that. I’m talking about the day-to-day tensions that we all experience.

Growing up, my Father was an organised, methodical man who loved a quiet, untroubled life but had a quick temper. In a household of women, life was far from being methodical and quiet and when he raised his voice, I tended to hide. I hated confrontation and grew up avoiding it when possible. I became quite adept at changing the subject or leaving the room!

However as I grew older and wiser, I realised that tension could be a good thing. I realised that I didn’t need to overreact every time there was a disagreement and that it wasn’t always “about me.” Something was triggering me and if I stepped back a little bit and looked at what it was, it became an opportunity for growth. Often it was about fears that the other person had raised or it was about feelings of self worth that I had taken personally.

Sometimes it was about genuine concerns such as financial worries, but I realised there was no point in being angry or laying blame on another person or situation. Looking calmly at these things meant that they could be discussed rationally and a solution found. Anger only led to accusations and being disempowered. Discussion led to finding answers with all parties feeling validated.

How do you deal with tension? We can all recognise it. That feeling of anxiety and uncertainty or of feeling the victim or the underdog. We may question our self worth, our own need to be recognised or feel that we don’t have any control. We try and protect ourselves and resort to anger. We try and justify our opinions and raise our voice so that we make sure that we are heard, or we change the subject and avoid the situation altogether. Our muscles tense up and we may start breathing more rapidly. We may feel a knot of tightness in our stomach and we start to feel stressed. Tension feels uncomfortable.

Tension is very strongly linked to our emotions. Memories from childhood may cause an overreaction as an adult. Certain behaviours from our parents can influence our reactions later in life. I know that my father’s temper, affected my own response to stress for many years. Tension leads to our ‘fight or flight’ response. We retaliate to protect ourselves or flee the situation. I realised that this was my response to any difficult situation. I would flee. It felt easier to avoid it than face it and possibly be hurt.

However once I realised what I was doing, whenever a tense situation arose, I sat back and examined my thoughts and feelings, without reacting first. I could see why I was being triggered and discuss this openly. It instantly diffused the situation and a more satisfactory outcome was achieved.

Often it’s our ego that doesn’t like being ‘attacked’. We may feel that we are personally being criticised when in fact, the advice given may actually be helpful. When we create something, be it a piece of art, photograph or even a special dinner, our ego resists judgment. If someone apparently criticises our writing or painting or some other creation, we take it personally. However if we actually sat with the advice given, our piece of art may become stronger.

We may feel anxiety when we come across something new or unfamiliar. We may hold ourselves back and avoid the situation because it requires change, or feels too scary or difficult. We may flee because it all feels too hard. If however we face our worries, sit with the stress and ask ourselves how we can move forwards, the tension will dissipate and we can grow.

How do you deal with tension? Do you see it as your enemy or can you make friends with it. We usually don’t welcome it into our lives but it’s something we can’t avoid if we want to have a meaningful existence. I now no longer change the subject or leave the room, or at least I recognise when I am tempted to. I look at what is triggering me. Is it a genuine fear or is it an affront to my ego? Knowing the difference means changing your response.

Tension is a part of our lives. It may bring up uncomfortable feelings or may just feel like a minor nuisance but it needs to be addressed and not avoided. We may feel tempted to run away, but even living on a deserted island, doesn’t stop you from encountering daily stressors. You still have to deal with the forces of nature and finding your food.

Recognise tension when it happens and make sure you support yourself. Feeling stressed all the time hinders your health so take measures to reduce that stress. If someone or something upsets you, take some time out. Give yourself time to breath and think. Go for a walk in nature, try some deep breathing or meditation, or end the conversation and say you will get back to the person. This gives you time to reflect on what has been said or on your own involvement in the conversation.

Try not to react straight away. Sit with your feelings. The more awareness you have around why you are feeling the way you do, will give you some guidance moving forwards.

How do you deal with Tension? Hopefully in a way that benefits your growth and releases any stress you may be feeling. I would love to know.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

References: Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash.

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

Can you Enjoy a Better Night’s Sleep when you have Insomnia?

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Can you enjoy a better night’s sleep when you have Insomnia? Is this even possible?

Insomnia is a common sleep disorder where a person finds it hard to fall sleep, stay asleep and get back to sleep after waking during the night. You may feel tired on waking, which in turn affects your mood, productivity, health and quality of life. It may be brought on by stress, a traumatic event, sleeping in unfamiliar environments, jet lag, stimulants or due to an acute illness. Normal sleep patterns usually return once the stress or event is over.

The amount of sleep we all need varies, but most adults are said to need seven to eight hours a night.

Short term insomnia may last for days or weeks but for some people, long term or chronic insomnia may last for months or more. It may be the main problem or may be associated with medication or a medical condition. Sleep is essential for our lives. It’s when our cells repair, restore energy and release hormones and proteins. Our nerve cells communicate for healthy brain function and our brains store new information and release toxic by-products.

Sleep affects our memory, learning, problem solving skills, creativity, decision making and concentration. It affects our emotional well being and even our weight. Recent studies have shown that sleep affects our hunger hormones, ghrelin and leptin. Sleep also supports heart health and our immune system. Sleep deficiency has been linked to chronic health problems affecting the heart, kidneys, blood,

So what can we do to improve our sleep patterns, especially if Insomnia is ongoing? It’s important to see your GP and check for sleep disorders such as sleep apnea, or restless leg syndrome or thyroid problems which can all affect sleep. There’s also a number of things that you can do yourself to change your habits and sleep patterns.

* Establish a bedtime routine. Go to bed at the same time each night if possible. This helps the body to establish it’s natural sleep/wake cycle, our circadian rhythm. Try and get up at the same time each day.

* Enhance your Melatonin levels. We all produce Melatonin, a hormone that regulates our sleeping and waking patterns. Its production is controlled by exposure to light and is released in darkness and suppressed in light. Artificially lit offices, computer screens and television all affect our melatonin levels. Get some exposure to natural light during the day and avoid using the computer, your iPhone and iPad and watching television late at night.

* Create an inviting Bedroom. Make sure that your sleeping environment is relaxing and welcoming and not part of your working environment. Keep televisions out of the bedroom and ensure that you have a great mattress. It has been said that the bedroom is for sleeping and sex and that’s not a bad suggestion. Invest in blackout curtains as any light will affect the quality of your sleep. Keep the bedroom cool as overheating can affect your sleep too.

* Relax before bedtime. Instead of working late into the night or watching TV and overstimulating your brain, relax with a book and read by a soft light. Have a warm bath prior to bed with some aromatherapy oils, such as lavender or roman chamomile. Alternatively, put a few drops of these oils on a tissue under your pillow. Listen to some calming music to enhance and relax your mind.

* Eat healthily and exercise. Cut back your intake of coffee, especially in the afternoon and evening. Caffeine is a stimulant that will disrupt your sleep patterns. It’s also a diuretic which means more trips to the bathroom! Avoid alcohol late at night even though you may think it will help you sleep. Initially it may help you feel drowsier and get off to sleep quickly, but it affects the quality of your sleep. It also makes it more likely that you will wake later in the night. Avoid heavy meals within two hours of bedtime as your stomach will be working hard to digest the food. Thus sleep will be disrupted. Regular exercise is great as it will help you sleep more deeply but avoid anything strenuous at night. This tends to stimulate and warm up the body.

* Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a very effective therapy that can help to control negative thoughts or actions that keep you awake. It helps you to recognise and change beliefs that affect your ability to sleep. It teaches you strategies such as getting out of bed if you don’t fall asleep within 20 minutes and listening to some relaxing music or reading. It also suggests writing down your thoughts when those million and one ideas disturb you at night.

Relaxation techniques and temporary sleep restriction are also discussed. If you’re in need of some guidance, there’s a free course you can follow. The details are here.

* Having Facial Reflexology on a regular basis will also help you to beat Insomnia. Reflexology helps calm the whole body. It works on the Nervous System to bring about total relaxation and reduces the Sympathetic Nerve response that always keeps you on alert. It assists the Hormonal System to rebalance so that our levels of Melatonin are increased and the body is able to get off to sleep more easily. These Facial Reflexology nerve points, if done on a regular basis, can help to rebalance and improve your sleep. The chart can be found here.

Can you enjoy a better night’s sleep, when you have Insomnia? Definitely. It does take some persistence, especially if the insomnia is long standing but following these suggestions will hopefully help.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

 

References: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/insomnia/symptoms-causes/syc-20355167, https://www.healthline.com/health/why-do-we-sleep#restoration, https://thiswayup.org.au/programs/insomnia-program/

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.