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Can You Find the Beauty within?

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Can you find the beauty within or do you need to look externally? Can you find beauty within yourself if you decided to have a look?

If we are asked to describe something beautiful, we may mention a sunset or the perfect rose, or a child’s laughter or a piece of art. We think of all the beautiful things that we have seen in our lives and describe those.

But have you ever stopped to think of the beauty that lies within yourself? I know myself, that this would not come to front of mind. But within all of us exists so much beauty and wonder that we ultimately take for granted. As human beings we are really quite incredible. We can think and make complex decisions. We can talk and form sentences. We can feel emotions, laugh and cry. And we can do a myriad of tasks, often at the same time.

We are really a thing of beauty yet we rarely acknowledge this. We tend to define beauty by what society says is beautiful. Every day social media promotes some beautiful person who we can aspire to be, if we buy a certain face cream, or lose weight, or dress as she/he does. Advertising thrives on this. We obviously are not enough as we are, so we need to buy a particular product or lifestyle to improve ourselves.

How wrong is this? We are already more than enough. We are unique and perfect, each in our own way. Yet we don’t really believe this. We think we need to do more or be more, to fit in and be accepted. If we study more, do more courses, act a certain way, we will be accepted. We doubt ourselves and our own gifts and talents. We compare ourselves to others and feel that we fall short.

Can you find the beauty within or do you always need external validation? I, too have often looked outside of myself. I grew up studying hard and aiming to always achieve better grades so that I would receive praise. The beauty that I saw within myself required validation from my parents. It took many years for me to realise that I was enough as I was. I could see my own beauty without the need for confirmation. I could see my inner and outer beauty through my own eyes.

How do you start to find this beauty? It begins by loving and accepting yourself. When you begin to see yourself as you are, with all your gifts, talents and flaws and learn to accept yourself without looking for perfectionism, you can start to see just how wondrous you really are. Be gentle with yourself and look at your self care practices. Eat well and get some regular exercise. Have a reflexology treatment or whatever helps you to balance and relax. Have some regular time out just for you.

Practice gratitude. It’s so easy to focus on what we don’t have, on all the things that are missing in our lives. But if we stopped to think, we actually have so much to be grateful for. We generally have a roof over our heads, food to eat, fresh water that comes out of a tap, heating or cooling. We also are able to use our limbs and our brains. We are capable of emotions and acts of kindness. Our bodies are truly incredible. Practising gratitude helps us to realise that we have so much beauty and wonder in our lives.

Can you find the beauty within. If not, next time you look in the mirror, look deep into your eyes and give yourself a huge smile. You are really amazing. No one else has that beautiful grin or those shining eyes or that glistening hair. Every single part of you is wonderful and it’s only when we stop and really see it that we can find the real beauty that lies within every one of us.

I hope that you can find this too.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

If you would like to learn more about loving and accepting yourself, my new book, “True Essence: Finding your authentic self without compromise,” explores these themes. You can find it here.

References: Photo by Sarah Wolfe on Unsplash.

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

To Everything There is a Season …..turn, turn, turn.

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“To Everything There is a Season …..turn, turn, turn,” are the words to a popular song in the 60’s. The words actually came from the Bible but it was made into a hit by The Byrds and written as a plea for world peace.

As the seasons change and we near the end of Autumn, it seems a pertinent time to reflect on what this time of year really means to us and what peace it brings into our lives. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, Autumn is represented by the Metal element which is indicative of a time of slowing down.

In the body, Metal means the minerals and trace elements that we need for our health. They originate from Mother Earth and are present in the soil. As trees lose their leaves, their nutrients are returned to the earth to nourish future growth. It is a time of quietening down. As trees drop their leaves, space is created and a quality of the Metal element is spaciousness and allowing ourselves to breathe.

As we leave Autumn behind and head into Winter, how can we create more space in our lives? How can we allow ourselves to breathe? Just as many animals hibernate in the colder months, maybe we can create space by slowing down. We lead such busy lives, with our careers, families, social media and ‘to do’ lists a mile long. Can we let go of something?

Perhaps we can allow time just to breathe. Time for mediation, time in nature, time doing ‘fun’ things rather than the never-ending things we feel we ‘should’ do. Maybe we can nurture ourselves more.

As the colder months arrive, let’s welcome in more nourishing foods, such as hot broths or soups and warming casseroles. Do more things to fuel your soul such as time with friends, creative pursuits and activities that bring you joy and peace.

Is it time for another Facial Reflexology session or a soothing massage? It’s a great time of year to boost your Immune System for the colder months ahead, so despite the cold, move your body more. If it’s too wet to go outside, dance around the house or do exercises to a YouTube video. Take time to relax and read a book (mine is available here) or rug up and watch a great movie.

To everything there is a season so learn to live by nature’s cycle. Just as the leaves of Autumn fall to the ground, what can we let go of as we head towards Winter? Can we let go of the need to be there for everyone by trying to please everyone around us, to the detriment of our own needs? Can we learn to say ‘No’ to people and activities that no longer bring us joy? Can we allow more quietness into our lives? Can we learn to accept the things we cannot change and let go of control?

Although many of us don’t particularly like the cold, myself included, the changing seasons are a part of Nature. They sustain us so that we don’t get burnt out, they allow for time to grow and time to heal. They allow for birth and a letting go of the old, that no longer serves us. They allow for us to be more active in the summer months and to slow down as winter approaches.

To everything there is a season so allow yourself to accept this. Put your own needs first, be more loving with yourself and give yourself the gift of peace and spaciousness that this season deserves.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

References: “Turn, Turn, Turn” by The Byrds. “The Way of the Five Seasons” by John Kirkwood. Photo by Timothy Eberly on Unsplash.com

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

How can we be more Gentle with Ourselves?

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How can we be more gentle with ourselves and why is this even necessary? We all know what it means to be gentle. It means we show caring and compassion to another. We show tenderness and kindness. We do this without thinking to a baby or child, or to a beloved pet. We stroke them or pat them and speak in soft words.

But when it comes to ourselves, we are not always so forgiving or kind.

We look in the mirror each morning and criticise our appearance. “I’m looking tired. Oh no, I’ve put on more weight. Look at those bags. That dress looks awful on me.” We are so quick to judge ourselves. Then when it comes to our work or relationships, we are even harsher.

“I need to work harder. I just can’t attract the right guy. I will be judged if I speak out. I’m not good enough.” We then tell ourselves that we need to study more or be more outgoing or wittier or more attractive. We are rarely aware of how we are berating ourselves.

How can we be more gentle with ourselves? Awareness is the first step. Awareness of our thoughts and the frequent criticisms we often place on ourselves. Looking at ourselves with love and kindness instead of judgment. I still use Louise Hay’s mantra every morning. I do some stretches as I stand in front of my bathroom mirror and tell myself, ‘I love you and I accept you.’ A friend also said that she gently strokes her face and I have now added this to my morning routine.

Start praising your achievements no matter how small. Our accomplishments are meant to be celebrated. Don’t hold out for the big things, the new job, the pay rise, the new diploma or degree. Yes these are fantastic, but life is made up of so many smaller gains.

What if you wrote that first newsletter and pressed send, or walked twenty minutes further than you had ever done before? What if you were able to say ‘sorry’ first in an argument? What if you made a special meal for yourself, for no special reason? What if you bought yourself some flowers, just because you could? What if you just managed to get out of bed each day?

We are all human with different frailties. We all have different challenges in our lives. Yet each day we achieve something, no matter how small and when we do this, we should praise ourselves. Being gentle means to be tender and kind and this is something we can all do. We are so quick to look at the negative, especially when it concerns ourselves. But what if we looked at the positives instead? What if we said ‘no’ to our inner critic.

How can we be more gentle with ourselves? We can do this not just by our thoughts, but by our actions. We can learn to slow down and not try and do everything at once. We can say ‘no’ to perfectionism. It is after all, quite exhausting. We can learn to say ‘yes’ to the things we love in life, the people and activities that bring us joy. We can prioritise and choose the important things in our lives. We can stop feeling guilty about pleasing everyone.

Being gentle means to love and value yourself, in your actions and your words. It’s a necessary part of our lives because it means we care about ourselves and the choices we make. It means we are treating ourselves as a dear and loving friend. It means we are living a purposeful life where we matter. So take the time to look at how you are being gentle in your life, especially towards yourself.

Praise yourself and recognise just how fantastic you really are. Keep being kind to your beloved pets, but share some of that gentleness and kindness with yourself.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

My book , “True Essence: Finding your authentic self without compromise,” is now available here. It looks at the roles we take on in our lives due to our upbringing and society’s expectations of us and how we can learn to step out of these roles, if we want to find our true selves. This means being gentle and kind to yourself.

References: “You can Heal your Life” by Louise Hay. Photo by Reign Abarintos on Unsplash

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

Do you Stop to Celebrate the little things in life ….. or do you just move on?

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Do you stop to celebrate the little things in life or do you just move on? We all tend to celebrate the usual occasions. Birthdays, Anniversaries, Christmas, Easter and other major events are usually celebrated. We may throw a party or go out for a meal with friends or perhaps have a quiet, more intimate celebration.

But what of the smaller day to day achievements or the ones we accomplish just for ourselves. Do we stop to recognise and celebrate their importance?

I have accomplished many things such as careers in nursing and reflexology. I have celebrated these. But I have also accomplished smaller things that I rarely give much thought to. I have sold photos to gardening magazines and was happy at the time but didn’t really stop to recognise what I had done. I have travelled to places that have really challenged me, but I didn’t stop to think that I was doing something brave or extraordinary.

I have tried paragliding and riding on a moped and motorbike. I have gone sailing on a catamaran and camped in the bush where lions roamed. I have raised a son and run a household, volunteered for many mother’s committees and school outings, but rarely have I celebrated these as achievements. They were just things I did because it was part of the roles that I had taken on, or else I was young and fearless and knew no better.

Do you stop to celebrate the little things in life or do you just move on? Why is it that we celebrate only the major events in our life? Is it because we think all the day to day tasks are not important, so that we place less emphasis on them? Or is it because we fear the judgment or criticism of others? If we celebrate too often or too loudly we are considered ‘big headed’ or egotistic. If we always talk about our achievements, we may be considered too loud or ‘full of ourselves.’

Society doesn’t encourage us to be individuals. Society doesn’t encourage us to stand tall. The ‘tall poppy syndrome’ is still present and we fear being its victim. So we stay small, we downplay our successes and we don’t celebrate even the smallest wins.

Well isn’t it time we put a stop to that behaviour? Isn’t it time we stayed true to ourselves and recognised our own worth? We all have talents and gifts and it’s about time that we celebrated them.

I am just as guilty. I have accomplished things, then moved on to the next. But I suddenly realised that I wasn’t recognising all the work and effort that I had put in. So I finally stopped.

I have just published a book. Yes it’s exciting and yes I had a glass of champagne to celebrate. But then I was ready to move on to the next thing, the next book, the next photograph or the next painting I wanted to create. But I suddenly realised what I was doing. So I took some time out to recognise just what a huge achievement this book was. My husband and I are going out for a meal to celebrate and I am inviting family and friends around to do the same.

Celebrating is great for our mental health, but it also enhances our feelings of self worth and self esteem. It keeps us in the present, reduces stress and reminds us of our purpose in life. Celebrating reminds us of all the things in life that matter, the little things that make up our every day existence. They give us an appreciation of all that we have in our lives, the big and the small.

Do you stop to celebrate the little things in life or do you just move on? I hope you stop and recognise every achievement, for all the things we accomplish make us what we are. The big and small, both are equally important.

And isn’t that always worth celebrating!

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

Ps. My book, “True Essence: Finding your authentic self without compromise” is out now. You can buy it on my creative website here and purchase a signed copy, or on Amazon.

References: https://www.wellbeingpeople.com/2022/11/23/why-celebrating-is-good-for-you/ Photo by Guille Alvarez on Unsplash 

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

Do you practise Extreme Self Care? If not, why?

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Do you practise Extreme Self Care? If not, why and what actually is it?

The words, ‘self care’ have been bandied about in newspapers and on social media. They are the new buzz words. Take care of yourself, put yourself first, be more gentle with yourself, eat more healthily, exercise more, do more meditation.

I’m not undermining the importance of these actions. Any form of self care is beneficial. However it needs to be more than the occasional outing for a massage or reflexology treatment. It needs to be more than the ‘walk around the block’ or the odd smoothie.

Self care needs to be a concerted effort to put yourself first. All the time. This is where extreme self care comes in. It means loving yourself enough so that the actions you take and the decisions you make on a daily basis reflect this self love.

It means having strong boundaries and only saying ‘Yes’ to what you really want and need. It means listening to your body and what he/she is telling you. It means not trying to push through when all your body wants is rest.

You may think it is selfish to put yourself first all the time. This is what we were taught as children. We need to give to others first, put other’s needs before our own. We need to give, give and give until you have no more to give, then give some more. We give out of obligation and we give out of guilt. We give because we feel it is expected of us.

How many of us end up burnt out, exhausted, defeated and resentful? We are perpetuating a myth. Trying to live up to an impossible image of perfection. This was my story too. So much of my self worth was based on my achievements, helping others, being the ‘good girl’, aiming for perfectionism. As author, Cheryl Richardson says, “So many of us, especially women, have taken on this ‘noble’ role. What we don’t realise, until it’s too late, is the high price for being ‘generous.”

Ending up exhausted and always fatigued, made me realise that my life had to change. Extreme self care was warranted.

Do you practise Extreme Self Care or is this your story too? If so, how can you start implementing more extreme measures? How can you start putting yourself first? By learning to love and accept yourself. All of you. Your perfections and imperfections. We all have them and it’s time to accept ourselves as we are. No more comparing ourselves with others. We are all different. We all have gifts and talents that are unique to us. Embrace them.

Accept where you are at. We all start this journey at different points. Sometimes it is easy to make changes and sometimes it is really hard, but make a start. It may feel uncomfortable putting yourself first. You may fear the judgement and criticism of others. You may feel guilty. But do it anyway. It will get easier.

Know too, that the more you do for yourself, the more energy you will have to give to others. The more you start to care for yourself, the greater your ability to make choices from a place of love and compassion. The more you demonstrate extreme self care, the more you will inspire others to do the same.

So start small so that it feels doable. Start with some simple self care. Drink more water, every day. Go to bed earlier. Start adding more vegetables to your meals. Look after your health, so go for those overdue dental check ups or eye checks. See your GP when needed. Don’t put your health in the “do later” basket.

Start asking for help. It may not be done the way you would do it, but that’s okay. You don’t have to do it all! If you are invited out socially or asked to help out, don’t say ‘Yes’ straight away. Say you will get back to them. Then think about it and decide whether it is something you really want to do or have the energy for.

Begin saying Yes to more fun, more creativity, more ‘me’ time, on a daily basis. Book in your regular reflexology or self care practices. Set limits on your availability. The more you respect your time, the more you allow others to do the same. Spend time in nature, even if it’s just sitting in the sun every day or going for a walk.

Do more of what lights you up. Give more to yourself. Do things that fill your soul. As you start to finally listen to your own needs you will begin to feel more fulfilled and happier in your life. You will then be able to give to others from a space of true giving. No guilt. No obligation. Just a place of appreciation and connection with those around you.

Do you practise Extreme Self Care? If not, perhaps it’s time to start. It’s never too late.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

References: The Art of Extreme Self-Care By Cheryl Richardson, Photo by Jackson David on Unsplash

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

Do you Allow yourself to Receive?

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Gift of receiving

Do you allow yourself to receive and how well do you receive?

As children, most of us are brought up to give rather than receive. When we do receive, we are told to do so graciously. If we expect too much, we are considered to be selfish or greedy. Giving makes us a better person. It makes us feel happy to give. Giving a smile to a stranger, or kindness to someone in need, stimulates our brain to produce endorphins, our ‘feel good’ hormones.

Giving is also said to be beneficial for our health as it reduces stress. This is certainly shown in the practice of gratitude. If you are feeling anxious about something, but concentrate instead on what you are grateful for in your life, those feelings of anxiety diminish.

Do you also allow yourself to receive? It’s great to give to others, but it’s also very important to learn to receive for yourself. Being a martyr doesn’t serve anyone and those who never allow themselves to receive, may end up resentful. I’m not just talking about material things, but also simple gestures such as compliments. If someone compliments you on your hair or your dress, do you accept reluctantly and feel you instantly have to compliment them on their own appearance? Or can you accept the compliment as it is, without feeling that you have to give one back?

If a friend spontaneously buys you a gift, do you feel you have to buy one back or can you accept the gift happily and excitedly, in the manner in which it is given?

It isn’t always easy to receive and many of us aren’t very good at doing it. If we are brought up to always think of others, we very often forget to think of ourselves and our own needs and then neglect them. As children we may have been given love and validation mostly when we gave to others. We may feel that we will be judged if we receive too much or else feel guilty when we do.

Consequently we try and compensate by giving something back to lessen the guilt, or we may refuse the gift because we feel we are unworthy. If I accept help, I may be perceived as weak, or if I am given too much, there will be expectations placed on me to reciprocate.

We may have poor boundaries and allow others to dictate their needs, instead of respecting ours. We may ignore our own desires because we always put others first. We may not treat our own health with the priority it deserves, because we put the health of others first.

How often have you pushed through when feeling exhausted, just so that you didn’t disappoint a friend or client? How often have you worked late to meet a deadline for your boss, when your body craved to be in bed? Why not give your body the rest it needs? What about treatments such as Reflexology? Do you see them as just pampering your body, or do you allow yourself to receive the deep gift of relaxation and rebalancing that your health needs?

Allowing ourselves to receive is a gesture of self love and self worth. If we truly care about ourselves, we know that we are worthy of receiving.

To give to others is a wonderful practice. It makes us kinder, more considerate human beings. However to be really happy, healthy and fulfilled within ourselves, it is equally as important to allow ourselves to receive in abundance.

When did you last allow yourself to receive? I would love to know.

Warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

References: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/5_ways_giving_is_good_for_you

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.