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Do You Find it Difficult to Let Go?

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Do you find it difficult to let go? To let go of what no longer serves you? Letting go means to release something and it can come in many forms.

It may be releasing an object or personal item that we no longer need, or it may be an emotion that we have held on to for too long. It may also be releasing a person or the obligations that we have placed on them.

Letting go isn’t always easy. It’s rarely straightforward and can feel very painful. But sometimes letting go, is the only way we can move forward. It may be the only way that we can heal.

We may have someone hurt us in a relationship or friendship. We may feel anger and deep sorrow and find it hard to forgive. Letting go doesn’t mean that you forget what has happened to you, but rather that you recognise how you are feeling, give thanks for the joy that was once there and forgive so that you can move on. Forgiveness is not just accepting what has happened, but it means showing compassion towards yourself so that you can release any lingering anger or hurt.

We may find it hard to let go of behaviours that we know aren’t good for us, yet we persist in pursuing them. Are we the people pleaser, the one who is always there for everyone else and puts themselves last? Do we let others always take priority and say ‘Yes’ to everyone even though we are feeling tired or depleted? Establishing healthy boundaries isn’t always easy as we may fear the repercussions, but it’s the only way we can truly honour and love ourselves.

Do you find it difficult to let go or do you hold on for dear life? I know that I often do. My son may be moving overseas next year and I have found this very difficult to come to terms with. But I know that he has his own life to live and his own decisions to make. I may not agree with his choices but they are his choices, not mine, and I have to let go.

Letting go can bring up fear. If we let go, we may lose control. We open ourselves up to vulnerability and possibly criticism or judgement. Letting go opens us up to the unknown. But if we always hold on too tightly, we may never know what is possible. Maybe a new opportunity will come up or we release someone or something that needs to be released and needs to grow, without our involvement. Maybe we will allow ourselves to heal.

Ironically as I was writing this newsletter my website crashed. That’s why this newsletter is late. It was incredibly frustrating but I had to let go. I had to trust that the website host would sort it out for me. I had no control. Not a comfortable feeling, but one I am becoming more familiar with, and that’s okay.

When I see clients in my clinic for a Facial Reflexology treatment, I always look at the area of their body that is most out of balance. These areas also hold emotions and very often our emotions form the basis of a disease, condition or ailment. Holding on to anger, grief, fear or worry never benefits us in the long term.

There is no judgement here for we all hold emotions within ourselves for a variety of reason. Maybe we have been deeply hurt or we have suffered some trauma or grief. We bury that emotion deep within so that we feel safe and can carry on. But all emotions need to be dealt with, as over time they will arise again in some form or another. They may come up in an entirely different situation or illness, just to remind us that we still have issues to deal with. It’s okay to say that we aren’t coping or that we need help, and we should never be ashamed of asking for support.

Do you find it difficult to let go? I know that I certainly do. But as I lean in to the possibilities and the relief that letting go brings, I open myself up to growth and healing. Letting go allows all of us to do the same and empowers us to lead happier and healthier lives.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

References: Image by Darby Browning from Pixabay

Is your need to Control everything affecting your Health?

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Is your need to control everything affecting your health and if so, what can you do about it?

It’s understandable to feel that nothing is within our control at the moment. Our current circumstances are creating such uncertainty, that we may feel that we have no control over our lives. As a consequence we may overreact and try and control the things that we can.

Control is a normal response. If our happiness is affected or our safety is threatened, we automatically try and control the situation. If danger is involved, we go into our ‘fight or flight’ mode. Even if it’s not a life or death situation, stress levels can be activated. Our current situation since the pandemic began, is a huge example of this.

When we activate our stress response, for whatever reason, our levels of cortisone and adrenaline rise. Our body prepares to flee the situation. This is a primal survival response that has served us well. However when this stress response remains elevated, we stay in this high alert state and that’s when health issues may result.

Chronic stress can lead to illnesses such as Hypertension, Heart Disease, Stroke, Digestive problems, Diabetes, Asthma, High Cholesterol, Lowered Immune Function and Chronic Fatigue.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the Lung and Colon meridians are related to control. The Lungs relate to how easily we ‘Breathe’ through life, whether we need to control everything or whether we feel we have no control. The lungs also hold grief and how we control our emotions and whether or not we have processed or dealt with grief in our life. In many lung conditions, we actually have difficulty controlling our breathing.

The Colon or Large Bowel is also about control. If we are always in control or tightly controlling of ourselves and others, this may result in constipation. If on the other hand, we feel we have no control or allow others to control us, diarrhoea may ensue. Just think of a situation where you are extremely nervous because you have little or no control, such as a job interview or before an exam. You have no control over the questions that may be asked. Very often you have to make a few trips to the toilet and your bowels may be upset.

Our fears around control may stem from childhood or our experiences throughout our lives. We may have had controlling parents who never gave us freedom or perhaps life’s circumstances threatened our safety, so we learnt to control everything that we could. Our reactions are never wrong. We always do what we can to survive and make the best of whatever life presents. Panic buying is just one example of us trying to control our lives. If we are restricted, at least we can control what food etc we have at home. Panic buying helps us to feel safe. It gives us some control over our situation.

What do we do about our need to control everything? And what if control is beyond our reach? What if always being in control no longer serves us?

What I have realised myself, is that I need to let go. I need to ask for help and I need to allow myself to receive. I have had to admit to myself that I cannot control everything, no matter how much I may want to. I allow myself to feel all the emotions, such as anger, frustration, sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, fear and whatever else may arise. Having no control brings up many emotions such as fear and it’s important to recognise this. Look at your fears and decide if they are rational and if your life is in danger. If not, try and let the fear go.

Accept all the emotions that you are feeling. It’s okay not to be happy about your situation. The circumstances may not be what you want, but acceptance reduces the stress. If you can change your outlook and your actions by choosing a different way of doing or looking at things, they may not seem so insurmountable. Perhaps you can’t do things the way you normally do. Does that really matter? Maybe there is another way. Maybe new opportunities will present.

We all have choice and we can all choose how we cope under current circumstances. Ask for help if you need to and recognise if things are beyond your control. Allow others around you to make their own choices. We can’t control their decisions and we shouldn’t try to or judge them for their opinions. We all cope in different ways.

If we try and always stay in control, or fear that we have no control over our lives, we will always stay in a stress response. If on the other hand, we try and accept the things that we cannot change and alter our outlook, we may find that we are a lot calmer, happier and healthier and better able to cope with whatever life presents.

I know which one I would prefer.

Warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

If you are feeling fear or anxiety, these facial nerve points may help. https://solevitality.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Fear-and-Anxiety-Wellness-Package.pdf

References: Photo by Patrick Mallert on Unsplash 

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.