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How can we be more Gentle with Ourselves?

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How can we be more gentle with ourselves and why is this even necessary? We all know what it means to be gentle. It means we show caring and compassion to another. We show tenderness and kindness. We do this without thinking to a baby or child, or to a beloved pet. We stroke them or pat them and speak in soft words.

But when it comes to ourselves, we are not always so forgiving or kind.

We look in the mirror each morning and criticise our appearance. “I’m looking tired. Oh no, I’ve put on more weight. Look at those bags. That dress looks awful on me.” We are so quick to judge ourselves. Then when it comes to our work or relationships, we are even harsher.

“I need to work harder. I just can’t attract the right guy. I will be judged if I speak out. I’m not good enough.” We then tell ourselves that we need to study more or be more outgoing or wittier or more attractive. We are rarely aware of how we are berating ourselves.

How can we be more gentle with ourselves? Awareness is the first step. Awareness of our thoughts and the frequent criticisms we often place on ourselves. Looking at ourselves with love and kindness instead of judgment. I still use Louise Hay’s mantra every morning. I do some stretches as I stand in front of my bathroom mirror and tell myself, ‘I love you and I accept you.’ A friend also said that she gently strokes her face and I have now added this to my morning routine.

Start praising your achievements no matter how small. Our accomplishments are meant to be celebrated. Don’t hold out for the big things, the new job, the pay rise, the new diploma or degree. Yes these are fantastic, but life is made up of so many smaller gains.

What if you wrote that first newsletter and pressed send, or walked twenty minutes further than you had ever done before? What if you were able to say ‘sorry’ first in an argument? What if you made a special meal for yourself, for no special reason? What if you bought yourself some flowers, just because you could? What if you just managed to get out of bed each day?

We are all human with different frailties. We all have different challenges in our lives. Yet each day we achieve something, no matter how small and when we do this, we should praise ourselves. Being gentle means to be tender and kind and this is something we can all do. We are so quick to look at the negative, especially when it concerns ourselves. But what if we looked at the positives instead? What if we said ‘no’ to our inner critic.

How can we be more gentle with ourselves? We can do this not just by our thoughts, but by our actions. We can learn to slow down and not try and do everything at once. We can say ‘no’ to perfectionism. It is after all, quite exhausting. We can learn to say ‘yes’ to the things we love in life, the people and activities that bring us joy. We can prioritise and choose the important things in our lives. We can stop feeling guilty about pleasing everyone.

Being gentle means to love and value yourself, in your actions and your words. It’s a necessary part of our lives because it means we care about ourselves and the choices we make. It means we are treating ourselves as a dear and loving friend. It means we are living a purposeful life where we matter. So take the time to look at how you are being gentle in your life, especially towards yourself.

Praise yourself and recognise just how fantastic you really are. Keep being kind to your beloved pets, but share some of that gentleness and kindness with yourself.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

My book , “True Essence: Finding your authentic self without compromise,” is now available here. It looks at the roles we take on in our lives due to our upbringing and society’s expectations of us and how we can learn to step out of these roles, if we want to find our true selves. This means being gentle and kind to yourself.

References: “You can Heal your Life” by Louise Hay. Photo by Reign Abarintos on Unsplash

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

Christmas time is here again.

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Christmas time is here again and another year is nearly over. I really hope it has been a happy and healthy one for you. Christmas is a time of happiness, joy and excitement for many, an occasion for families to come together and an opportunity to rekindle traditions.

As I come from a European background (my parents were Hungarian), our biggest celebration was on Christmas Eve. Christmas actually started for my family with the feast of St Nicholas on the 6th December. My sisters and I would put our shoes outside our bedroom door at night time, to find them filled with fruit, nuts and occasionally sweets, the next morning. St Nicholas was said to have been a very generous man with a love for children.

It was the start of a very exciting month which culminated in the delivery of our Christmas tree by the angels. Our sitting room was locked and the blinds and curtains drawn in preparation for the big day. My sisters and I would look for clues in the garden, searching for pine needles that would show that the angels had been. We would excitedly follow their trail from the front gate, along the garden path, up to the verandah and the french windows that opened onto the sitting room. The tree had arrived and Christmas was nearly here.

Although I didn’t keep up this tradition for my own son, he did grow up believing in Father Christmas and would take ages to get to sleep on Christmas Eve, too excited to close his eyes. Hence my husband and I would set our alarms for the middle of the night so that we could sneak in with a stocking full of presents. We would place these on his bed to surprise him in the morning. The rustle of wrapping paper would greet us the next day and we would go into his bedroom delighting in his joy and excitement. Very special memories.

Christmas to me is a time of giving. A time to include others and share what you have. Very often we have an extra person or two who would otherwise be on their own, to share our Christmas lunch with. Their presence only contributes to the celebrations and enriches our Christmas meal. Although a happy occasion for many, Christmas can also be a sad and lonely time. Not everyone has a family to be with or the love of those close to them. This time of year can also bring up memories of happier times spent with those who are no longer with us.

For Christians, it signifies the birth of Jesus Christ and the love and teachings he brought to the world. It’s also an occasion of ‘togetherness’, a time to think of others and not of ourselves and of showing kindness to those around us.

Christmas time is nearly here and it’s a great opportunity to be grateful and reflect on the past year. It’s easy to get caught up in the shopping frenzy and commercialism, but to me, Christmas is much more than that. Yes it’s lovely receiving gifts but gratitude goes much further. The past few years have been such a mixed bag of worry, fear and anxiety, but they have allowed many of us to re-evaluate our lives and how we live them.

I’m grateful to have rekindled my creativity and passion for writing. Others have found a better work/life balance. Some have moved homes to somewhere less busy and crowded. Silver linings can be found in many difficult situations.

This Christmas, enjoy your time with those you love, give gratitude for what you have and seek out opportunities to live a life you are truly passionate about.

Thank you all for reading these newsletters and sending much gratitude to my lovely clients, who entrust me with their care.

Wishing you all a very Happy Christmas and a wonderful, healthy and enriching New Year.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx