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You can’t Stop the Rising Tide. What can you do instead?

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You can’t stop the rising tide. Every day the tide rises and falls according to the pull of the earth and the waxing and waning of the moon. We may try and put up sandbags or build barriers or walls, but the tide cannot be prevented from rising. It is a force of nature that cannot be stopped. What if we looked at life the same way? What if we ‘allowed’ more into our lives, instead of always fighting against what we cannot control?

Just as we may put up barriers to stop a rising sea to no avail, what walls are we putting up in our lives? I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have any control. Obviously we have some say in how we live our lives. We rise at a certain time, go to work, eat meals, socialise and form relationships and interact with others. We have control around what we want and don’t want in our lives. However what if we ‘allowed’ the things we can’t control, to just be and accept them.

I was doing my regular meditation the other day and my thoughts wondered as they often do. I started to think about a recent holiday in the sun and how glad I was that winter was over and it was now Spring. Then I suddenly stopped myself and realised that winter too has a purpose. It is a quieter time of year where much of nature hibernates. Animals gather food ahead of the colder months. Many plants lose their leaves and slow down their growth to protect them from the cold, but also to conserve energy. Then when the days become longer and warmer, they sprout forth their green mantles and shine in all their glory. Animals, too resurface and bring new life into the world.

What if I accepted winter as a part of life’s cycle, instead of fighting against it? What if I adjusted to the colder weather, wore more layers and warmer clothes and ate more nourishing foods? What if I allowed what I cannot change?

You can’t stop a rising tide and you can’t stop a new day dawning, but you can choose what you allow into your life? Can you allow more peace? Can you allow more space and time for you? Can you allow yourself to be prioritised? Can you allow more fun and joy into your life? Can you allow more self love? What would happen if we sat with our feelings and emotions and considered what we could let go of.

Could we let go of fear and anxiety and allow acceptance instead? Could we let go of anger and allow non judgment to take its’ place? What if we let go of criticism and allow an understanding of our differences to take precedence? Could we let go of controlling every aspect of our lives and allow the magic and surprise to enter instead? We cannot control how others behave or react with us, but we can manage how we respond to their words.

It’s very easy to try and control our lives. If we have control, we don’t need to fear. If we have control, we won’t be judged or criticised. If we have control, we won’t be disappointed. But life’s not like that. We can’t control everything and everyone around us. It stifles our progress and growth. It blocks our intuition and spontaneity.

You can’t control the rising tide. Life goes on no matter what we do. Allowing doesn’t mean giving in or giving up. It means we allow what we can’t control and accept the things we can. It also means we actively take part in our lives instead of being a passive spectator and allow in more of what we want to create, so that life remains mysterious, exciting and magical.

And isn’t that how you want to live your life. I know I do.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

Is your need to Control everything affecting your Health?

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Is your need to control everything affecting your health and if so, what can you do about it?

It’s understandable to feel that nothing is within our control at the moment. Our current circumstances are creating such uncertainty, that we may feel that we have no control over our lives. As a consequence we may overreact and try and control the things that we can.

Control is a normal response. If our happiness is affected or our safety is threatened, we automatically try and control the situation. If danger is involved, we go into our ‘fight or flight’ mode. Even if it’s not a life or death situation, stress levels can be activated. Our current situation since the pandemic began, is a huge example of this.

When we activate our stress response, for whatever reason, our levels of cortisone and adrenaline rise. Our body prepares to flee the situation. This is a primal survival response that has served us well. However when this stress response remains elevated, we stay in this high alert state and that’s when health issues may result.

Chronic stress can lead to illnesses such as Hypertension, Heart Disease, Stroke, Digestive problems, Diabetes, Asthma, High Cholesterol, Lowered Immune Function and Chronic Fatigue.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the Lung and Colon meridians are related to control. The Lungs relate to how easily we ‘Breathe’ through life, whether we need to control everything or whether we feel we have no control. The lungs also hold grief and how we control our emotions and whether or not we have processed or dealt with grief in our life. In many lung conditions, we actually have difficulty controlling our breathing.

The Colon or Large Bowel is also about control. If we are always in control or tightly controlling of ourselves and others, this may result in constipation. If on the other hand, we feel we have no control or allow others to control us, diarrhoea may ensue. Just think of a situation where you are extremely nervous because you have little or no control, such as a job interview or before an exam. You have no control over the questions that may be asked. Very often you have to make a few trips to the toilet and your bowels may be upset.

Our fears around control may stem from childhood or our experiences throughout our lives. We may have had controlling parents who never gave us freedom or perhaps life’s circumstances threatened our safety, so we learnt to control everything that we could. Our reactions are never wrong. We always do what we can to survive and make the best of whatever life presents. Panic buying is just one example of us trying to control our lives. If we are restricted, at least we can control what food etc we have at home. Panic buying helps us to feel safe. It gives us some control over our situation.

What do we do about our need to control everything? And what if control is beyond our reach? What if always being in control no longer serves us?

What I have realised myself, is that I need to let go. I need to ask for help and I need to allow myself to receive. I have had to admit to myself that I cannot control everything, no matter how much I may want to. I allow myself to feel all the emotions, such as anger, frustration, sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, fear and whatever else may arise. Having no control brings up many emotions such as fear and it’s important to recognise this. Look at your fears and decide if they are rational and if your life is in danger. If not, try and let the fear go.

Accept all the emotions that you are feeling. It’s okay not to be happy about your situation. The circumstances may not be what you want, but acceptance reduces the stress. If you can change your outlook and your actions by choosing a different way of doing or looking at things, they may not seem so insurmountable. Perhaps you can’t do things the way you normally do. Does that really matter? Maybe there is another way. Maybe new opportunities will present.

We all have choice and we can all choose how we cope under current circumstances. Ask for help if you need to and recognise if things are beyond your control. Allow others around you to make their own choices. We can’t control their decisions and we shouldn’t try to or judge them for their opinions. We all cope in different ways.

If we try and always stay in control, or fear that we have no control over our lives, we will always stay in a stress response. If on the other hand, we try and accept the things that we cannot change and alter our outlook, we may find that we are a lot calmer, happier and healthier and better able to cope with whatever life presents.

I know which one I would prefer.

Warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

If you are feeling fear or anxiety, these facial nerve points may help. https://solevitality.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Fear-and-Anxiety-Wellness-Package.pdf

References: Photo by Patrick Mallert on Unsplash 

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.