Can you make Friends with Fear?

Can you make friends with fear? Is this even possible or is fear something to be avoided? Fear is present at some time in all of our lives. It is a protective mechanism, even if it’s not a very comfortable one. Fear connects with our ‘fight or flight’ response and lets us know when we are in peril.

It is a feeling we get whenever we are in a dangerous situation. We may be in an area that is deserted and dark and feels unsafe. Our gut reaction is to quickly move on. Or we may see a car veering towards us and we instantly step out of harm’s way. We touch something very hot and immediately remove our fingers. The adrenaline ‘kicks in’ and enables us to act quickly.

Fear is a primal emotion that saves us from certain danger. It helps us survive by either running away from the threat or turning around to fight it. It is a necessity in our lives.

But how can we be comfortable with it and how does it hold us back? It really depends on the situation. If it is a life or death moment, then being afraid is important. But what if it’s a fear of something that has not yet happened? Do we need to protect ourselves?

Wearing a seat belt when in a car, or using a helmet when cycling are all protective measures. They are easy to implement and we often do them automatically, just in case of an accident.

However can you make friends with fear when it is stopping you from moving on? You may want to write a book, paint a piece of art, sing in a choir or act on stage, but you fear that you will be judged. You may want to change careers or move countries but you fear you will be criticised.

Fear can paralyse you and if you allow it to, it can stop you from achieving anything. I wrote a book last year and that was the easy part. Then I had to market it, do a live launch online and speak about it constantly so it would reach an audience. Was I comfortable with all of this? Definitely not! I was terrified!

Everything about the book launch was out of my comfort zone and I could have easily remained hidden. But despite my fear, I knew that it was important for me to get my book out there, so I persisted.

So how do you get comfortable around fear? The first step is to recognise it. If it becomes out of control and overwhelming then by all means, ask for some professional help. We can’t always do it on our own. However if it’s a fear about achieving a long-held dream or trying something new, then examine it and see where this fear is coming from.

Is it reasonable or are you fearing something that may never happen? What if you sing out of tune or your piece of art doesn’t sell, who are you doing it for anyway? If it’s for yourself then congratulate You, for anything you create is an achievement. If it’s for recognition then is this your ego speaking and is it really that important?

Look at your fear and ask yourself what could really go wrong? Are your fears exaggerated and are they likely to come to fruition? Will you be criticised or judged? Well you may be, but we can never please everyone all of the time. Accept your fear as being a part of any new challenge. It will arise and that’s okay. Recognise it? “Aha here you are again. Okay I see you. Now let’s get on with things.”

If we only create to please others, we will never be truly happy for fulfilment needs to come from within. So next time you go to do something beyond your comfort zone, ask yourself what is there to fear? We all fear failure but that’s something that society teaches us and isn’t necessarily true. Failure is perceived differently by everyone.

And if you should fail, then go back and reassess what you did? Did it make you happy? If the answer is yes, then it wasn’t a failure. If it created stress then try something different. Vincent Van Gogh actually painted seven versions of his famous “Sunflowers’, five of which hang in galleries around the world today.

Say ‘Yes’ to your dreams, whatever they may be. Know that fear will probably be present, but accept it and create anyway.

Can you make friends with fear? Maybe not, but we can get comfortable with it. Know it will come up when we face a challenge or something new that we aren’t yet familiar with, and perhaps see it instead as an amicable companion.

With warmest wishes,

Judy xxx

Disclaimer: Please note that all information in this article is the opinion of the author and obtained through her research and knowledge and the above references. It is not meant to replace medical advice and a medical opinion should always be obtained for any health condition.

References: Photo by Toa Heftier on Unsplash.